apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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