Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
