what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
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