Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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