I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
