I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
