Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
