I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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