I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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