I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
