video games are the ultimate cock blocker
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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