I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
