It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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