That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
