I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
