he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
