Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
