dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
it glows. i had to have it.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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