Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
