mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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