My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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