i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
