i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm both gender and math confused
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
