It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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