I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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