I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He's on the porch naked. Help.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
