sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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