An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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