Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
