I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
