I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
