if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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