my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
they're like a gay fantastic four
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
