I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
