i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
