discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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