A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
