are you still at the devil's house?
Nicole vs. Life
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I yelled at your uterus for you.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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