i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
