I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
