Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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