whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
