He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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