I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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