I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Send help, water and tortillas.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
