please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
