i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
