The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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