I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
