I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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