don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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