I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
