I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
there's paper in my vomit.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
