We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
do herpes really smell.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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