Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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