I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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