planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
