very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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